The Things We Do For Love

I’ve done a lot of things for Ray in the time that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and sleeping with him. I’ve lent him six hundred quid, taxed his van, filled out his passport application, picked him up from Norfolk and spent four days in hospital with him after his ‘accident’. I cut his and his mates’ hair for free (although I regard this as social work). I’ve cleaned his flat from top to tail, I’ve bought flowers and cards for his mother and done something I’d much rather not mention, that I’ve never done with anyone and I’ve had his electricity reconnected. What has Ray done for me in return? The list is finite. He has overcooked me one badly prepared meal. He introduced me to his mates like it was some kind of favour. He let me ‘come to my own decision’ with regard to what I wanted for Christmas last year, and my birthday come to think of it. Ray is a shitty boyfriend but he looks cool, especially now with his hand cut in half. It’s possible to have a boyfriend that’s too nice, too caring, and too thoughtful. Ray possibly goes a little far. If you randomly approached him in the street and asked him what the name of his girlfriend was, I’m not joking, he’d have to think about it. Why am I still with him? That’s the thing, I know he’ll make some kid a great dad, that’ll be the thing that changes Ray; I know it.

Perhaps I’m being made to work this hard for a reason and I hope to God that it all pays off. If you didn’t know me, you’d think I was quite wild, sulky, independent and outgoing. I’m quite the opposite. People naturally think I dye my hair and wear outrageous things to draw attention to myself when on the whole, it’s to repel them. Ray can be cruel. Once he told me that I was re-enforcing a stereotype. He said “Every little girl who sees you on the street knows they don’t want to look like you.” He says these profound things without even knowing what they mean and it’s hard to tell whether he knows the significance of his own words, even in hindsight. I have a good memory and occasionally I’ll remind him of the things he’s said when he least expects it.

Now that there is a possibility that Trudie is dead, I don’t expect Ray to be anymore helpful. He finally phoned late last night saying that he and Mike were banged up in some detention centre near Dover and that there was every possibility that they wouldn’t be back for a while. Ray couldn’t be bothered to tell me the whole story; he just said “You tell her,” and gave the phone to Mike who told me the whole story. What kind of idiot tries to use a passport that is clearly not his? When he passed the phone back to Ray, I told him about Trudie. “I know,” was all he said. I hung up.

The thing that I’m about to do for Ray is totally off the scale. It’s a risk but in my view it’s worth taking. If I don’t do this there’s a chance that my fool boyfriend will be banged up for a further five years and if I do it…well let’s just hope that he never finds out. There’s the doorbell now. I’ll let you watch. I have shut Zac in the kitchen.

DCI CUTLER: Elizabeth isn’t it?

DCI CUTLER ducks and steps inside Beth’s cottage

BETH: Beth. Come in. (sarcastically)

DCI CUTLER: You’re not going to be difficult are you Elizabeth? I mean, either way, you’re the winner here aren’t you?

BETH: How do you mean?

DCI CUTLER approaches Beth from behind, lifts up her hair and kisses her neck

DCI CUTLER: Well, this way, you get your boyfriend back and you get to be laid by me. (smirks)

BETH: I hadn’t thought of it like that, I guess I am a lucky girl after all.

DCI CUTLER: Mmm…that’s it Elizabeth, say my name, go on say it Elizabeth.

BETH: What is your name?

DCI CUTLER: Lesley.

BETH: Lesley?

DCI CUTLER: Say it louder Elizabeth, louder.

BETH: Lesley! (shouts)

DCI CUTLER rips open his shirt and spins Beth round He takes her hands and rubs them over his chest.

DCI CUTLER: Now chew it, chew it

Beth chews DCI CUTLER’s grey chest hair

DCI CUTLER: Elizabeth, that’s it yes; now the bellybutton, use your tongue. Get it right in there.

That’s all you’re getting, suffice to say Ray and Mike get out of clink on DCI Lesley Cutler’s say so. It was embarrassing enough being with someone older than my dad but when it came down to it, it was all strangely non-sexual. Throughout I thought about what I was gonna say to Ray and Mike when they came back. The only way I was going to be able to look them in the eye was to be angry with them and I certainly had good cause.