2nd July 2004

1. IT'S JULY. SO HOW COME ALL THE RAIN?????

2. Sorry to bang on about the library but it's noiser than a playgroup screaming for ice-cream, hang on it is a playgroup screaming for ice-cream; and one of the library assistants asks me to stop talking on my mobile???? It's all I can do to withold an obscene gesture.

3. Almost got into a fight last night outside the video shop. It was all about parking in a disabled spot, i.e we were both arguing over the space. I don't think he was quite prepared for my response. I don't do fighting mainly because I'm rubbish at it and go over the top. Manslaughter my arse. What's worse parking in a disabled space or using a disabled toilet? Now there's one that'll run and run on the forum.

4. International Wife Swap called back last night. They are definitely up for it. They are going to hook me up with some trailer bait from Idaho and her 4 kids probably called Wayne, Dwayne, Cindy Jo and something ending in "ene". I'm quite up for it. As ever I have a plan and I'm not sure but I think it may end in the destruction of either the trailer park or Idaho itself. Either way I'm buying a fast car and parking it nearby just in case. The only problemette I have is to find a wife who can enjoy the company of someone called Cletus. I will advertise in Variety unless you fancy it Sooz?

5. Went to Southampton yesterday to visit the grandparents. I hope my last words to my Grandad won't be the last. "So long and thanks for all the rhubarb."

6. That reminds me. Rhubarb crumble this afternoon. I'm toying with Rhubarb chutney, not literally.

7. Go Greece Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll wrap up all my footie nonsense in one paragraph. Saints have signed Swedish midfielder Mikael Nilsson. He's a bit of a play anywhere player which I admit I'm never very keen on. Rumours persist around James Beattie. Personally I think it's his destiny to leave and lead us into the next World Cup.

8. Here's some pointless infantilism. Put your postcode in http://places.jump-around.com/closest//

9. After two days of virtual traction after my surfing extravaganza, Timbo wants to go again this weekend. "Only if you can buy me a titanium spine on Ebay"

10. I've been off all week and let's face it, have accomplished very little indeed. I am still sans PC, hence my irregular library based postings. Monday sees a change to all that. Back to the Uni for hours and hours of mindless fun. Apparently I'm supposed to be answering student queries even though there aren't any there till September. I'm suspicious already.