Nanny State Fugue State

1. Woke up this morning at the zoo, naked, covered in blood with a wolf licking my face. That took some explaining to the local filth let me tell you.

2 Mobile weapons screening machines in our schools. Spend the money on something useful like making schools nicer places to be and to learn. How many times do I have to say it? Environment effects behaviour. Do you think a portable metal detector and associated security folks are going to promote anything other than fear in our schools? Don't give into this fuckwittage.

3. Yahoo are stealing my picks. Well they could be.

4. Troy was found dead in the Wye this morning. Ray has apparently skipped town and the people who run the Alpha Course have decided to discontinue their work in our small town.

5. I heard a monk talking about bullying on Radio 4 as I drove to "work" this morning. Bullying is about ego and power. I was never a bully and I was never bullied with malice (I preferred all out fighting) but I knew kids that were and it's not nice. Lots of kids commit suicide every year because of bullying which is deplorable. Young people are naturally competitive, young males are naturally aggressive, it's biology, what can you do? Females bully too and I expect it's worse for reasons I can't even think of. The monk mentioned parents putting up with bullying with a begrudging silence. It's hard to imagine what I'd say to my kid if he or she was being continually bullied but I know that I'd find it hard not to be straight round the parent's house. It might be hard to accept but bullying has and will always be with us because of the nature of humans and ultimately there might be an evolutionary arguement in there somewhere. We shouldn't put chips in our kids arms and we shouldn't restrict their freedom just because we now have the statistics to prove that some kids die in unfortunate circumstances.

6. It's all about risk. As Jeremy Clarkson says, you have more chance of being killed by your own trousers than you do by dying in a plane crash. How much of a risk are you therefore at of being killed by a terrorist? The answer is of course fuck all. Obviously if you live in downtown Sadr City your risk is higher. Are all these emergency booklets necessary? I'd say no. Obviously some of us will be in densely populated areas and others will travel to places like London and Birmingham occasionally. If one thing the last 3-4 years has taught us is that any attack will more than likely be unconventional and from an unexpected quarter. Most enquiries after such attacks underline the sheer irreversible panic of people caught up in such attacks which are in most cases explosive rather than nuclear, biological or chemical. Technically chemical attacks are not classified as mass destruction since the delivery is too difficult to carry out. When similar emergency notices were issued in the late sixties/early seventies about nuclear strikes, they caused panic buying and even induced mass nuclear shelter building. As I say it's all about risk. I'm not gonna change my life. By the way if I do get killed by a terrorist all I ask is that you avenge my death.

7. Ingenious

8. Ray just called and bizarrely admitted to burying his brother Calum under the skate park on Piggies Hill. I didn't even know he had a brother or that he could skate.

9. My sister emailed and said that she has had the funniest time in India and hasn't stopped laughing since she's been there. She wont mind if I copy her mail. They have been watching people shitting in public alot, why I don't know.

"Steve spotted a boy yesterday at the flyover
hanging off a bit of scaffold letting it go about 10 feet
up in the air. Not the kind of monsoon you want to get
caught up in! Holds a new meaning to being shit on from a
great height!

Best comment from Steve of the week though - in taxi on
sat, and surrounded by beggars, Steve is trying to take our
minds off the unpleasantness of the situation with the
comment "what does everyone want for tea tonight?".
Slightly inappropriate laughter then followed!"

What do you expect these heartless people do work for a high street bank.

10. India has people rolling food cigars in the street and we're worrying about mobile security weapons scanners? I sometimes wonder who the fuck we think we are. Right I'm off to drop the kids of at the pool.