Temazapan Scrumpy

1. Well, where do I start? How about waiting for my sister's stool results to come back from the doctor. She's just come back from a business trip in India and now she can't so much as cough without sweating it. Well if you go off to do the devil's work you can be sure that you will pay for it in the end. To be fair she did have salmonella a few years back and dat was not pleasant. Apparently they grew a full size velociraptor out the culture in her blood and it went on a week long killing spree in Newport, South Wales.

2. I was doing a little research on Laura Bush, since I was wondering how a librarian becomes a world authority on stem cell research and wow, I never knew that...

On the evening of 6 November 1963, two days after her 17th birthday, Laura Welch failed to stop her Chevy sedan at a stop sign and smashed into a Corvair being driven by a school chum, Michael Douglas, also 17. Laura and her passenger, Judy Dykes, were treated for minor injuries at a nearby hospital, where they learned that Douglas had died from his injuries. No police charges were filed, apparently, but paperwork from the accident is missing or unclear and the details of the incident are a bit of a mystery. Now Laura Welch is married to U. S. president George W. Bush and is known around the world as LAURA BUSH. The story made national news during the presidential election of 2000, but little new information came to light. At the time her spokesman, Andrew Malcolm, said "To this day Mrs. Bush remains unable to talk about it."

3. I'm looking forward to the Olympics about as much as I'm looking forward to major exploratory surgery for an unknown brain condition. Here's a conversation I had with an athletics coach yesterday.
DF: "As a coach, are you looking forward to the Olympics?"
COACH: "The athletes are all on drugs, I'm not interested anymore."
DF: "They're not all on drugs surely."
COACH: "Hmm yes they are."
DF: "What makes you say that?"
COACH: "The moral and ethical side has been lost forever. Whilst it is still a great honour and achievement to get any kind of medal, the money is the key thing. If you dope up, get a medal and don't get caught, cool, che-ching."
DF: "And if you get caught..."
COACH: "Whatever, makes no difference, it was a risk to do with the money. It didn't work, try something else, a different sport until you hear that che-ching noise."
DF: "How do you know all this?"
COACH: "I supply the drugs."

4. If I am interested in any event at the Olympics, then it's probably the low jumping. In traditional high jumping you start from a low place and get higher. In low jumping you start from a high place and get lower. The person who wins is the one who jumps lowest without dying. Anyone can take part really, the training is not overwhelmingly athletic, it's more about technique.

5. Bored in the office? I love this little flash game . Thank you Sue McGoo.

6. I hate Eastenders but for those of you who can't get enough. I'd click here. That's quite funny for some unknown reason.

7. I managed to set up the new PC and it only took 3 hours of head scratching. I do have a feeling that my cordless phone made it crash twice and I don't know why. Anyway the next week is going to be spent very sadly I have no doubt. Still gagdets save you loads don't they. My Xbox- has saved me from a decent social life, meeting new people, having anything to talk about when I do...the list is endless. The thing about blogs tho', is that they do make you think.

8. Prozac in the drinking water? I thought things were looking up for no discernable reason.

9. Prince Charles has started reading my blog apparently. The other day he described it as 'horrendous'. Well fuck you Charlie.
COACH: Dogfrog he was talking about windfarms
DF: Are you still here you drug-dealing android builder? What do you know anyway?
COACH: About what, windfarms or your shit blog mate?
DF: Why you...
COACH: Put that down, look I've got a wife and kids to support, that could really hurt.
DF: You should have thought of that before you got Jonathon Edwards banned.
COACH: No I didn't. Look how about some temazapan, £30 for 20
DF: Are they any good with cider?

10. That's my evening sorted then.