Warm Dark Days

1. There is a new game in town. Here's the deal. Pick a book, movie, whatever and go find it on amazon. Click on customer reviews and then sort them by the 1-star ratings. People leave the most empty headed comments. Here's a selection I just found.

Franz Kafta, The Trial.
"this book is boring and doesn't make any sense, i wonldn read it again"
***
"I dont want to sound clueless, but, what trial? so, he was trapped as an accused man and had three choices of being acquitted and chose none, so he goes with the flow to die. So what then...? Why do we all have to be so analytical about this? What is the point?"

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
"While the subject is of some merit, from a historical perspective, this Dickens fellow has a lot to learn in the art of efficient prose. On and on he discourses, using three hundred words to describe on transitory happening, where thirteen words would do.
Not enough sex, either. Definately not written for the masses. I suggest, as an alternative, anything by Alistair Cook"

This book was so bad, I considered it bad. MY eyes burned out. I almost was at the point of suciude after the first page. MY friend George suggested I read it for a book report. I didn't relize it was April Fools. Now Goerge is dead.

But then you can always reverse the game.

Titanic - The Movie.
First of all, this movie is an absolute masterpiece. I have no idea why there's been such a sudden backlash against it, people are just stupid. This is a glorious film, incredible production values, first class acting, dynamic special effects, breathtaking cinematography, wonderful story, outstanding music, everything about the film is just perfect. I can't find one fault in it. The way it depicts the human struggles of the characters, the arrogance of the ship's owners and passengers, the sheer proportions of the sinking, is nothing short of brilliance. You're involved with the characters and their struggles from beginning to end, it's incredible. One of the best movies ever made, period. Don't listen to those morons who call this film trash, they wouldn't know art if it came up and spat in their face. I'd give the film a very solid 10 out of 10.

Enough.

2. My grandad is dying. He is 91. My nan is still alive and she too is 91 so how she will cope I have no idea. They have been married forever. It is all inevitable and upsetting.

3. I am completely unprepared for the weekend although I suspect that I will not need to take alot with me. Buying new shoes and getting a haircut saturday morning are definite priorities. I am travelling on the Megabus which apparently has no toilets on it, being a double decker bus. I'll let you know how that goes.

4. I was thinking about readers last night and it occurred to me that it's obvious that not everyone is going to like what you write. Some writers find this hard to take having poured precious hours, cigarettes and calories into their work. The simple truth is that there are also a million different ways that people will find not to like your work. Here's a few.

• It's not as good as mine
• The subject matter
• The style
• The characters
  
• Subconscious signifiers (the author may include colours, smells, buildings etc that subconsciously turn people away
• They don't get it; this could mean anything from, I couldn't be bothered to, I'm a bit thick me
  

I don't like everything I read or watch, so why should I expect everyone else to like my work?

5. There are 6.9 million people imprisoned in the U.S. which I find truly incredible. Some clearly deserve to be locked up but from my understanding, alot are connected to minor drug offences. These are people who could be contributing to an economy, but no they say, we'll bear the enormous cost of locking them up. Is there any such thing as American social justice? Read Reefer Madness by Eric Schlosser

6. Last night I wrote a pleasing little poem about surfing

Lose Yourself

Spitting liquid glass

Swallow plankton smoothie

Atlantic happy hour from the almighty

Lunar powered cocktail shaker

“Eat your greens!”

A supersize portion please

From the sea’s canteen

Boxed by rocks on three sides

Jellyfish drying out

In four sweeping, swelling feet

But it’s warm around the thighs

Let the piss out later

Wax on, fall off

Bruised ribs, hickey zip

All the time

Offshore it’s kicking off

The burning wait

And then she comes on cue

Leading lips, embracing arm

She sucks up and gobs us out

Tiny spiders sprawl

7. Debra has had a dream about cake in her shoes. She would get out more but obviously has a problem with her sweet trolley. It reminded me of that shoe in your bedroom Tim, you filthy mutt.

8. Laugh, I nearly did. If this wasn't so scary it would be funny. His latest gaffe.
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," he said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." George W Bush. Tosser.

9. I wrote something the other day about bullying and now there is this. I'm afraid I really can't agree. If every bullied child in Britain were to sue their LEA at the expense of the education another child where would that leave us? This is not the answer.

10. If I ever get into planetary design I'm gonna make all my oceans freshwater.